STARS! THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!

… They get ketchup all over their new outfit!

Madam Eta Carinae thought she’d have a quick lunch break before heading back to work. Looks like she got a little mooney for her homonocleus nebula snack and it exploded all over her! Uh oh… Here’s hoping she’s like us and packs a stick-on stain remover. In space, everyone can see your faux pas.

Slobodan Blubovich Arrested for Crimes Against Bluemanity

(ZURICH) Former general Slobodan Blubovich was detained earlier today by Swiss police under charges of crimes against bluemanity during his brief but violent period in control of the small, musical nation of Bluemania.

Speficially, the charges stem from the brutal repression of the centre-left

Butthole Surfers Celebrate 2,000th Non-Pithy Reference to “Butthole Surfers” in a Music Magazine

Attention all you Nerfherders, Chumbawumbas, and Puddles of Mudd: take heart. Tuesday was an important day for every clumsily-named rock band yearning to escape self-imposed exile on the silly rack.  NME’s Butthole Surfers retrospective, “Gnarly Stoned Surf,” marks the 2,000th time the Texas-bred altsters have been taken seriously in print, without any glib preemptive consideration of the words “Butthole” and/or “Surfers.”

ABSOLUTE FLOOZLEBOP! : A Collection of Film Reviews from TL’s Most Esteemed Film Critics

Autumn Sonata (1978)

Jasper Wren (***): The last chime in the knell of this ebbing film cycle. With searing close-ups that portray an unprecedented depth, we as viewers are scuba-divers plundering the undiscovered recesses of the ocean floor of emotion. The prediliction for psychological clarity is audacious, impudent, and at times, downright brave. A certified bravo to one of the century’s most gutty and courageous film-crafters, and a supreme congratulations to any cinemaphile

Excerpts from Good Grief! The Verier Scarier Joke Boooo!k

Did you hear about the skeleton who stood up to bullies?  He had a lot of backbone!

Why do mummies make bad conversationalists?  They get too wrapped up in themselves!

Where did the ghost get his recipe for Hungscary-an Ghoul-ash?  His spook boo!-k!

Why did the vampire tell his son to clean up his room?  Because it was a bloody mess!

Trick or Treat Tips From The Candyman

Question:
My mother says I’m too old for Trick or Treats (I’m almost thirteen), but Halloween is my favorite Holiday and I don’t want to have to stay inside and do my additions, as mother suggests. Am I too old, and if the answer is Yes, are there any fun activities that adults do on Halloween which I can now join? I really hate Kumon.

Farewell, My Ghostly

The Diaries of Osmond Finger, Ghost Detective

Monday

11:45 am.
Office.

Attempt to smoke cigarette and drink whiskey. Mess on the floor. Lack of breath makes inhalation difficult.

Beautiful woman enters, looks confused, wonders aloud where the detective is.

Excerpts from The Very Scary Joke Boo!k

Why was the mummy a bad business partner?  Too many pyramid schemes!

Why does the witch like Rice Krispies?  They go Snap, Cackle and Pop!

Why’d the vampire get sent to the nut house?  He was batty!

Did you hear about the zombie’s new girlfriend?  He finds her very a-peel-ing!

R.L. Stine’s Unreleased GOOSEBUMPS Synopses!

Recently, while perusing the wares at R.L.Stine’s estate sale and non-perishable food drive, one of Terminal Laughter’s interns came across a spiral-bound folio of grave interest. It contained literally dozens of proposed titles and capsule synopses for never-released titles in the Goosebumps series of children’s novellas.

Now, in a Terminal Laughter Hallo-scream Edition Exclusive, we have reprinted several of the most ghastly entries, entirely for your pleasure.

TERMINAL LAUGHTER SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION INITIATIVE

Extra! Extra! Search Engine Optimization a real "Slam Dunk" of "surf traffic"!

Dear Terminal Laughter contributors:

Greetings!  I hope the past few weeks have been as good to you as they have been to the blog.  As you know, our recent Titanic Historical Journal joke post has been a runaway success, generating upwards of dozens of hits per day!  In addition to the usual levity-seeking jokesters, we have started attracting large numbers