ON DEMONOLOGIE: THE INHABITATION OF THE ROYAL BODIE BY VNLIKELIE DAEMONS, KING IAMES OF BRITAINE

I shall recall, that time whence my own bodie did become possessed by unearthly spyrites, and a receptor for their ways of evil. Shortly after I did eat a poison’d mutton tart, an assembly of wycked creatures did begin to gather within my stomache, and grow, and quabble, and converse amongst each other, which did feel itself manifest in me, and in the most disconfortede of senfations. The daemons commenfed squabling and grew in size vexed indubitably at having been trapped within me, which in me no dowte produfed feelinges of unmeasur’d dis-ease, Confined to the lower Abdomen. Whereupon a tremor of fear coursed through my blood, and the daemons attempted communication, a repulse which ran through my spleen and continued to descend until it had been forcibly expiled, with a vulgar noise with force to shatter glass, the most vile of smells which did accompanie. Oh foul smelling daemons, buttress’d from light! Why must my innards be tormented by thine ways of evile? Once more, twice more, thrice more, the noise did recur, all in succefion, each expulsion more deadlie than the last. What symphonies of sickness, my anatomie their foul instrument! What obscene message from Hell’s nadir does my unwillinge bodie deliuer through this unholiest cacaphonie? And again once more! Agh!

I lay in my bedde, the whole of my bodie paralyz’d by the feares of my very own insides. Lord Twillingtwat, my manservant, did try to ease my ails Yet these daemons were the very stuff of hell! Their depravities too strong to succumb to the Holy Dust that my manservant did ward them with, and the leeches, rather than sucking the evil out of my bloodstream, succeeded only in making me very dizzy. Nor did the assemblie of Noblemen, whose duties it has always beene to examine the afflict’d rumpe did finde much peculiar in their exhaustive probings, yet all concurred the smells possefing the room were by nature unearthlie.

At which time feelinges did intensify, and I could feel those creatures shunned of hell take their seats in concregation in my stomache. What evil deeds plotted they from within my spleen in hatred of men and providence? The repulse did recur, yet with greater force than before, and seemed to carry with it a substance of material matter as I felt it descende from the pit of my belly to my intestina.

Thereunto I began to excrete a foul black sludge, whose pestilent odour tenfold exceeded that of moments before. Surely this was some form of demon-lava, emergence from the volcano of evile they had built within my Royal Boweles.

The stuff remained there, on the bed, neither Twillingtwat nor I, both petrefied by terror, willing to touch it. With fears that it would contaminate us, and send us into the fiery pits of hell, the cursèd substance lay there untouch’d, until, driven by a madness unknowen to men, the dog did consume it, and was drown’d in consecwense.

With Bitter teares I do admit that this possession has not ceased, and on That day, and every day which follows the laft, those daemons do communicate, twice or thrice a day, most usually shortly after I have eaten a meal.

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