LONG-TERM MISSED CONNECTIONS: ONE OF OUR VERY FAVOURITE COUPLES


The Best of Missed Connections: One of our very favourite couples…

#1 – April 12, 1967

You: Anne. Anne Waxman.

Me: Totally over you. I am totally fucking over you. I slept with

somebody else. Already. Yeah. I did. I want you to know that. I want

you to know that when you fall asleep on his arms tonight that I too

have found somebody new. And better. I am over you.

#2 – January 16th, 1968

You: Anne. Beautiful Anne Waxman.

Me: I lied. I still think about you. And the one I slept with I paid

for. And we did nothing but sleep. I swear. I paid her $300 and she

held me in her arms and let me call her Anne, Anne, I love you Anne

I’d say and she’d whisper back Together Forever Together Forever and

it meant nothing to me. Nothing means anything anymore Anne. YOU are

everything. Where are you? I saw you that one time a few weeks ago.

You were with him. Georgio, right? He seems nice. If you —Ok, he

doesn’t seem nice. He seems nothing like you. Look in the mirror Anne.

See yourself for what I see you as: my wife. My beautiful wife.

#3 – May 1, 1973

You: Anne. Heartless Anne Waxman.

Me: Fine with everything. Better than fine. Fucking fantastic. And I

am a machine with women now. Women. I now know women, not a girl, a

girl which is what you are. Grow up Anne. Grow the fuck up and stop

getting so defensive. Yes, I called you. Ok, I called you. A few

times. Only a few. You didn’t have to send Georgio over. If I didn’t

have the flu I would have sent him back to you weeping and you two

little girls could have a great life because you belong together two

terrible people. And by the way I met a girl on the bus and we made

eye contact, and Bus Girl this goes out to you: I love you!

#4 – June 18, 1973

You: Anne. Anne. What’s your last name again?

Me: Bus Girl is great. We met up over coffee and I talked to her about

you and how you have no qualms about ripping out a person’s heart and

that you were never that great in bed anyways, actually pretty boring.

Bus Girl had to catch a train to New Hampshire but we bonded for at

least 13 minutes. That is all it took for me to get over you. I bet

you’re still weeping. I bet you cry and cry and look at Georgio and

see that what you always wanted was me and you wish you never left me

for him you wish you didn’t I know it I know it I know it please take

me back i’m sorry i’m sorry bus girl was nothing same with the hooker

you are my everything anne please stop calling the police. I saw you a

few nights ago. You didn’t see me. I watched you. I had a conversation

with you just like the old days when we’d wake up in your bed

together. AnnieAnnieBoBanny. Remember that name? I used to call you

that. I used to enter you and we’d reach ecstacy together and I KNOW

that was real. Was nothing real? Fuck you Anne.

#5 – September 15, 1973

You: Bus Girl

Me: You never called me back. You remind me of Anne.

#6 – August 6, 1976

You: Anne. Pregnant Anne Shepherd.

Me: A father? I know it’s been two years since I’ve been allowed to

see you but still: is it mine? I think it must be. I have a feeling

that it is. I have a nursery ready at my house. All you have to do is

leave Georgio. I bought a rabbit stuffed animal for our child because

it was so cute it reminded me of you, your little bunny ears! Those

ears that are closed now. You do nnot respond to me. You don’t respond

to these, to my emails, to my calls, to my letters, to my knocks, to

my taps on your back and light brushes over your brow as you sleep.

#7 – December 22, 1988

You: Anne. Menopausal Anne Shepherd.

Me: Not dead. I am sorry about that. I needed a way to get you to see

me. I knew that when you’d read the notice in the paper you’d tear up

and think to yourself that you made a big mistake, ruined your life

and come to the funeral. I was hoping you wouldn’t bring Georgio. But

you did. And I’m sorry if you thought it was disturbing. Love disturbs

one. Love makes you crazy. It rips you up inside and won’t fucking let

you go at all Anne you keep fucking leading me on and why dont you

just actually kill me you were smiling at my funeral i saw that i saw

that i saw that.

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One response to “LONG-TERM MISSED CONNECTIONS: ONE OF OUR VERY FAVOURITE COUPLES

  1. “I just have say “One Bus Girl please” to the barista because that’s how big of a part of my life she is.” is Bruce McC-worthy

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