By JASPER WREN
Once again, I remind you, the internet is an African safari with no guide. You would not let your child loose in such an area, teeming with lions, tigers and bears (Oh, my!). Caged animals run loose on the internet. Keep your child SAFE.
Unfortunately, you cannot be with your child at all times. This is sad, but true. It is a fact that children need time alone to mature properly into useful contributors to society. It is also a fact that during this time alone is when sexual predators lurk their hardest. They will come after your child. Let me stress this again: sexual predators will come after and come on to your child. The internet is literally infested with them.
A favourite “cruising ground” for these cyber pedophiles is in chat rooms, on Microsoft Web Messenger and ICQ (stands for “I seek you”). While your children are free, talking to friends and perverts alike, you might be at work, assuming that because your child is at home, they are safe. That is not good enough.
Thankfully, the good people at Microsoft have created a “History” file just for this parental purpose. It is an archive, just like in a library, of exactly what your child has said while online (both to friends and perverts). All well and good, you say? I can read what my children say and breathe easy.
But your breath will be gone. No breathing when you see the entirely new language these children speak. How will you know if your child is discussing the latest Malcolm in the Middle episode or agreeing to fellatio with a middle-aged man from Brantford? With this: that’s how!
A Glossary of Internet Terminology.
LOL: “Laugh Out Loud”
– Seems harmless, but remember, pederasts often flatter children first into believing they are the next Frankie Muniz. Next thing you know, your child really will be “in the middle”—you know?
BRB: “Be Right Back.”
– Again, appears harmless but has a twisted side. The predator may enjoy the power he has over the child as he promises to “BRB”. On undercover forays into popular teen chat rooms such as the More Cody Banks! site, I have been promised this same thing by chatters, yet they have never returned. The only logical conclusion is that once they leave the “room”, with the promise of returning, through the internet they download your address. Then I can only assume on the many occasions this has happened, the perverts have covertly arrived at my house in the hopes of sandwiching a youngster but instead found a beefy, intimidating Bryan Cranston-like man, shirtless, for an extra-level of intimidation. I will fight off every and any attacker. They can’t even get in the house after I have locked it. They try to get in, but I give them the shaft!
ROFL: “Rolling on Floor Laughing”
– Proud parent you are, you may want to believe that your child truly did tell a joke that was funny enough to induce a grown man to fall onto the ground in hysterics. But your child is not to be seen Sunday nights on Fox. No matter how much you wish you had a wise-cracking Macauley-Culkin for the new millenium living in your house in the bedroom next to yours with all his toys and tiny clothing there, unfortunately you do not and your child will never make it into People except perhaps as a victim of abuse. Unless you stop it.
A/S/L: “Age? Sex? Location?”
– While originally I had assumed that this one was as vicious as it appears. How old are you, do you want sex and where shall I trespass? was my first assumption. But in fact it is a simple request for details. Details needed, however, to meet up with your child for illicitness. On undercover operations I have asked numerous children online for their “A/S/L” and they have eagerly given it up and happily met with me.
WTF: “Want To F*&%?”
– Very worrisome! Take away all internet privileges from your child! Perhaps as a concerned parent you should sign on as your child, talk to this predator and hopefully force a climax between you.
IWRY: “I Want to Rape You.”
– Surprisingly nothing to actually worry about. “Rape” is common teen lingo for “be friends with”.