By EVAN MILLAR
Yes I did hit Mike Dupont.
Yes it was in the face.
But you don’t understand. He deserved it. He was pretty much begging me for it.
Well, he kept bugging me all day about asking me if he could see my cards, but he was being a big period about it, so I said No.
Yes I did call him a big period.
I didn’t let him see my cards because they cost me six allowances and I didn’t want him to ruin them with his gross hands.
Well who knows, maybe they had blood on them or something. No he wasn’t bleeding. But you can just never know anymore.
Then he grabbed them anyway and said I couldn’t have them ever again so I told him I didn’t even want them and then I hit his face, but Ms. Linda saw me and she was being really mean about it and didn’t even care that it wasn’t my fault and she didn’t even care that he stole all my cards. I think she must have had a period or something.
So thats why Ms. Linda yelled at me. Because she was having a period. Thats why I got in trouble, I know you were wondering. So we are going to have to stop by Virtual Wizard’s Comic Warehouse and get me new cards because Mike Dupont took my old ones. Aww? Why not? But he got his gross period hands all over them! Its not fair if you don’t take me to Virtual Wizard’s Comic Warehouse, its not fair!
No, its ok. You don’t have to tell me. I get it. You’re having a period too.
Hey, do you ever think its gross that your privates bleed every month? I know I think its gross. If my wiener bled every month I would probably just cut it off. I know at first that would just make it bleed more but then it would stop after a while. I guess that wouldn’t work for a girl though because a girl’s privates is already like a cut-off wiener. Hey, maybe thats how they get girl’s privates in the first place. Hey mom, ever think about that mom? Did you cut off your wiener when you were my age and thats how you became a mom? Just joking.
You’re not paying attention to me. No, you’re not, I can tell. This is important. You never listen to me when I say the important stuff.
Mom, this must be your 1000th period today. That’s too many. I’m getting worried about you. I think you have too many periods. It might be dangerous. You might bleed to death.
Is that maybe why dad left you? Because of all the periods? It is pretty gross. Hey, do you ever think its gross? I betcha it was why he left. I betcha a buck. No that doesn’t make sense. He left you because of a different woman, and all women have periods. Must have been for some other reason then. Unless she was so young that she didn’t have periods yet. She was more young than you right? I don’t know if you know this, but girls usually get their periods around my age. She couldn’t have been my age. Thats too young, even for dad. I take back the bet. You owe me a buck. I was right after all, must have been some other reason why he left you.
Don’t cry. Ok fine, you don’t owe me a buck anymore. Why are you crying? Actually, you don’t need to tell me. I understand. I learned all about it today.