DOCTOR BOFFO’S MIRACLE MASH

As shilled for by “Honest” Edward “Boffotrenko”, truth-teller extraordinaire

AS SEEN IN MIRACLE DIGEST

AS SEEN IN MIRACLE DIGEST

LISTLESS? GASSY? UNPOPULAR WITH THE SEX OF YOUR CHOICE?

PONY UP, JUNIOR!

DOCTOR BOFFO’S MIRACLE MASH is the MIRACLE MASH of the future. Scientifically tested for flim-flams and boondoggles, MIRACLE MASH cures ailments not yet known to medicine! When your future self lies dying of Astro-Scurvy, what will your past self say in response? “Sorry, I decided against living forever”? TRY AGAIN.


"Should've bought Boffo, hon!"

"Should've bought Boffo, hon!"

TRUTH: Everyone knows the universe is 80% atoms. BUT, did you know that atoms are responsible for 80% of human illnesses? It’s a TRUTH! Atoms build up in non-atom-designated organo-nooks and bio-crannies, leading to ATOMIZATION of the SELF! DOCTOR BOFFO’S MIRACLE MASH chemically de-atomizes these crazy things, leaving their haemo-freeways relatively intact, and leaving you feeling like TEN MILLION POPES.

Evil Foreign Scumpetitors!

Evil Foreign Scumpetitors!

FALSEHOOD: Other MIRACLE MASHES work just as well for a fraction of the price. RESPECTIVE TRUTH: Other MIRACLE MASHES are designed by INFERNOSEXUALS, and only clean out UNGODLY bio-crannies. Only DOCTOR BOFFO’S MIRACLE MASH is officially sanctioned by GOD ALMIGHTY (Personal interview, August 2007) to purify all aspects of a human’s (or human-educated gorilla’s) material incarnation.

Adolfus Boffo III, PhZ

Adolfus Boffo III, PhZ

A RICH, BOLD MELANGE of authentic herbs and roughage awaits you! Journey into the exotic inner life of the rarely-used Shemp fiber! WRITHE IN AWE as five types of nylon banish photo-irradiation from places the sun is not proven to shine! PHILOSOPHICALLY-CHARGED ERECTIoNS! All ailments purged, or your money spent!

DO NOT ACCEPT SHAM-STITUTES*! ONLY DOCTOR BOFFO’S MIRACLE MASH has these miraculous properties! Buy DOCTOR BOFFO’S MIRACLE MASH TODAY, or get run over BY YOUR OWN KARMA**!

*– known sham-stitutes include: Doctor Boffo’s Magnetoupee; Doctor Boffo’s Protein-Age Basteland Aerosol Meats; Doctor Boffo’s Horse-Grain of the Carb-pocalypse; Doctor Boffo’s Medicated Organic Batteries; Doctor Boffo’s “Licensed” Disney’s Goof Troop Omega 3-6-9 Hot Pressed Pills; Rabbi Boffo’s T-K-Osher Curds ‘n Weight-Gain Yam-mulkes; Swami Boffo’s Sunlight Suppositories; Old Man Boffo’s Shrimp-Flavoured .22-Calibur Bullets; Boffo St. Germain’s Endless Twilight Escort Service; SHORM!™; Doctor Biff-Boff’s Cocainated Drymilk (Mercurially Fortified); Lady Boffo’s Extra-Crispy Mint Ju-Lipstick Formula; Robo-Boffo’s Time Travel Jerky; Pasteur Boffeaux’s Le Holy Milk; Professor Boffo’s Shredded Knowledge; Boffo-San’s Me-So-Salty Snicky-Snack Mix; Former-Doctor Boffo’s Orgone-Infusing Coffin; Obi-Wan Boffo’s “Star Warz” Spiritual Defense Smoothies; Judge Boffo’s Get-Out-Of-Health-Jail Fat-Free Iron Bars.

**– pun generously provided by Bruce Baum, user of (and spokesperson for) Doctor Boffo’s Lye-larious Laughtershave.

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