Excerpts from “THE INSIDE SCOOP”, a quarterly magazine of semi-professional ice cream reviews

insidescoopHaagen Dazs Vanilla Bean –
Can’t go wrong with Haagen Dazs, it’s the classic elite ice cream that never gets old. A little expensive, so you probably won’t be eating it every day (unless you are rich) but its a real treat when you do get a chance. My parents told me that when I was small I used to call it “Huggin’ Dads”, so I really like this one! I’m giving this a rating of four big scoops with lots chocolate chips on top.

Baskin-Robbins Butterscotch Ripple
Butterscotch, butterscotch, butterscotch! Such a great flavour that Baskin-Robbins is really talented at, plus the name is so fun to say.  This will always be one of my all time favorite ice creams because  butter is my favorite spread (its like warm savory ice cream) and scotch reminds me of my dad. 10/10 for everything! Five giant chocolately scoops!

Laughing Buddha Green Tea Ice Cream –
All I can say is “Yuk!” Why do people these days always put strange flavors in their ice creams? The container has a picture of a fat man smiling, but I wouldn’t be smiling if I had to eat this stuff, which I did! Plus I don’t know why he is so fat if he only eats health food ice cream. Green tea is what moms drink, and ice cream is for dads. I’m sorry, but I have to give this zero measly scoops without even a chocolaty aftertaste. Don’t mean to offend!

Ben & Jerry’s Berried Treasure
This is delicious!  Berry is not usually my favorite flavor but Ben & Jerry’s knows how to do it well. I can really see myself enjoying this one on a hot summer’s day. This would be a great ice cream for a father to take a son out for after a baseball game. Three giant scoops with many chocolate sprinkles.

PC Chocolate Fudge Crackle Peppermint Chocolate –

Sometimes, I forget how close chocolate mint is to being my all time favorite ice cream flavor ever! The label says this one uses very good quality peppermint and authentic chocolate flavors. You can really tell! It has a delicious mint taste but still never feels overly minty. It also has those amazing P.C. chocolaty sticks that melt in your mouth the second they touch your tongue. I have to say this is right up there with Cookie Dough Castle Brownie Thunder! I give this a rating of five heaping scoops with enormous chocolate chunks. Why can’t I have a father who loves me?

Dairy Queen Chocolate –

Everyone loves chocolate! Its the one thing that everyone agrees about, even parents! This old standby might not have the pizzazz that newer flavors like Pecan Predator or Bittersweet Boysenberry Languor  but its a great one to just keep a whole bunch of tubs of it in your ice cream freezer for all those times when loneliness takes a hold of you and cripples you like a father’s cane making you feel all cold inside like your heart is made of ice cream so that you can’t change your clothes or leave your house for weeks! A perfect ice cream to keep on hand, for those moments.

Breyers Cherry Vanilla-

Cherry Vanilla used to be my favorite Breyers flavor but it has really gone down the drain. They don’t use the same type of cherries anymore and the flavour and texture just tastes “off”. Everything started changing when they started adding air to it but the public didn’t complain. Yet! They thought they could pull the wool over every body’s eyes and think that no one would notice but I noticed because I notice everything and remember everything even if I’m told I shouldn’t, I don’t care I’ll remember it anyway. I remember my dad used to buy it for me sometimes when he would pick me up from school in grade six, after my dad left my mom would buy it for me every day but the flavour changed and has never been the same. Very sad. Now when I eat it today I notice that it doesn’t even taste like the same product at all. Lots has changed since the 1970s but especially this ice cream more than anything else is different.

Cow’s Gooey Mooey – This ice cream is really good. I could live off this. I do. One good thing about when your parents leave you alone is that you can eat whatever you want because they aren’t always checking in on you to make sure you only eat vegetables! For thirty five years I have been eating only ice cream and I still haven’t been caught yet! Everyday I eat so much ice cream for breakfast, dinner and supper and wait for my dad to come in and scold me for only eating ice cream and no vegetables but the joke is on him because he hasn’t even come yet! Oh boy, I am going to get in so much trouble when he finally comes back home and sees all these empty ice cream tubs everywhere and no empty vegetable tubs. I am going to be grounded forever and ever! But it’ll be worth it!


One response to “Excerpts from “THE INSIDE SCOOP”, a quarterly magazine of semi-professional ice cream reviews

  1. i really relate to this as someone with father issues, but i don’t really relate to it as someone whose tummy is upset by dairy.

    j/k! very funny evan

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