by Big Chief Dances-With-Punchline, standup comedian
To the Patrons of the Greater Poconos Resort’s Ha-Ha Lodge:
Me so solly.
Serious – me, Big Chief, heap big solly.
Many moons ago, great pow-wow held in Ha-Ha Lodge. Promotions range far and wide, from Rochester to Amityville. Bargain like this pow-wow rare as white buffalo – tourists save-um wampum like beaver save-um wood chip. Many white devils come for sweat lodge, all-you-can-eat bison burgers (use every part!) and access to fabulous Poconos holiday facilities, including heap-big-authentic Amerindian spirit quest. And, of course, stand-up comedy by Big Chief – funny as feather in loincloth!
But Big Chief make-um mistake. Big Chief work hard as fire ant to come up with material fresh as mountain stream – jokes so funny, make Coyote spirit howl. Big Chief not have time to test-um material on slow night. Big Chief write joke, stereotype-um Arabs. Big Chief no Indian giver, but Big Chief sure like to take that one back.
Big Chief realize now that line between edgy and offensive not straight like arrow shaft, but crooked and fuzzy like old shaman’s back. Big Chief make-um crude generalization – Big Chief play-um into cultural phobia thick as fog in post-9/11 times. Bin Laden not represent-um all Arabs – when Twin Towers fall, tear rolls down cheek of Sultan same as rolls down cheek of Big Chief.
In Big Chief’s defense, Big Chief on roll that night. Big Chief crack-um joke about rush hour, laughter loud as stampede. Big Chief zing taxi fares, audience pound tables like drum ceremony. Big Chief spoof Arab taxi drivers – audience quiet as lynx in snowy forest. Emcee cutt-um Big Chief set short – Jim Breuer pull-um double duty. Brave squaw, Jim Breuer – but Big Chief there first, and get no kudos for warming-up audience some.
But not Big Chief point – Big Chief solly. Big Chief work on apology routine, and Big Chief offer one-time discount to offended patrons. Only offended patrons though – no scalpum tickets! Me joke-um, me joke-um – but not about racism.
Big Chief hope-um you accept-um apology: smoke-um peace pipe, bury hatchet, and come back to Ha-Ha Lodge, July 14-16. Two fire-water minimum. Please, no let Big Chief big mistake besmirch-um long and noble tradition of Greater Poconos Resort.