How to Turn Your Prince Adam Action Figure into Big-Time $$$$$

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Welcome to RED Financial…

…and congratulations.

Why are congratulations in order? Easy. Because you’re one of the few who is looking to protect his financial security. Because in these tough economic times you’re not too proud to accept a l’il boost. Because you have realized that money neither grows nor accumulates 7% fixed interest on trees. Because you have realized that not only dreaming a dream but being a dream is the only way to secure yours and your family’s security. Because you’re bold enough to radically diversify your investment portfolio.

Here at RED Financial we take our acronym seriously. And so will you. Our mission is simple:

Realize that this is your dream and it’s only you who is the one who can live it.

Examine the financial goals you need to set and surpass to be this dream.

Dream of a world of financial security brought about by investment diversification.

Where other investment groups will try to sell you on gold, foreign currency or other fleeting investment opportunities as a way to secure your financial dreams, at RED Financial we encourage you to invest in what works: vintage 1980s action figures and toy novelties. When properly cared for and left in their original packaging, the return on these investments has the potential to exceed even that offered by antique guitars, classic muscle-era automobiles and first-run O-Pee-Chee hockey cards.

rickalan MEET YOUR FINANCIAL PLANNER

In 1996, John Semley made a meager living as a Jr. Financial Analyst at H&R Block. He drove a Lumina, carried a 17 handicap and dated an overly-perky brunette with afflicted vision. Then one day, he turned his life around. Now John Semley takes cabs for distances as short as two blocks, has someone who plays golf for him and dates only natural blondes. He owns his own condo with a rooftop patio, which he financed by selling a mint in-box 1983 Bib Fortuna action figure (Kenner Toys, No.70790) and he wants to help YOU be your dreams by living his own personal motto: DISPOSABLE INCOME IS INCOME TOO.

CERTIFIED TESTIMONIALS

“I always knew that my complete set of Madballs were perfect for squeezing, tossing, bouncing and spooking my sister. What I never knew is that they’re also great collateral for securing a lease on my genuine pre-owned Kia Rio. Thanks John!”

-Brad Steve, contemporary automobile collector

“I used to have literally no money. Like zero dollars, bud. What I DID have was a complete set of Battle Beasts action figures, only lightly played with. Thanks to John Semley, I now enjoy as many as four hot meals per calendar week.”

-Roger Mc Michaelbrad, local gourmand

“The day before I met John Semley, I ate a dog food and two crow egg omelet for brunch. Then he helped me secure my financial future by refinancing my dusty USS Flagg playset. Now I own my own fleet of curbside omelet bars!”

-Pat Alan, Successful Omeletier

“I needed cash. Fast. I sold my son’s original Rodimus Prime robot car toy thingy. Now my kid hates me, but damn if I didn’t make rent.”

-“Boozin’” Suzan Hunt, mother/derelict

“John Semley helped me sell a bunch of Street Sharks to some sexless nerd who uses eBay. I don’t even know why I had the things. They were in my closet for like years. I thought the one was a Rocksteady for sure. Now I can afford to get my ankh tat filled in. Cool.”

-Stephen Lincolnton, body art enthusiast

“My back was against the wall, monies-wise. I could have used the extra cash, sure. John Semley convinced me to put my entire C.O.P.S. ‘n’ Crooks collection up on eBay. Yeah, I sleep a little easier. But now the only remnant I have my youth are the night terrors that come from a torrent of childhood abuse at the calloused hands of a drunk, penniless mother.”

-Little Bobby Hunt, son/success story

Where a lesser financial planner sees Madballs, John Semley sees Madbill$$$.

Where a lesser financial planner sees Madballs, John Semley sees Madbill$$$.

SEE? It’s easy. With the help of RED Financial, and a financial planner with a proven track record, you too can join the literal dozens of others who have turned their goofy impulse buys into real-deal capital. The kind that buys things. The kind that lets you live, and be, your dreams.

Don’t hesitate. That new motorized boating vehicle is only one phone call and three boxes of Lincoln Logs away.

Call John Semley,

Sr. Financial Planner

RED Financial

68 Powerline Drive,Houston, TX 43982

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4 responses to “How to Turn Your Prince Adam Action Figure into Big-Time $$$$$

  1. Giving a reformed Street Sharks fan the gratingly X-treme feel of those same Street Sharks? BING.
    The fun I’m having imaginging just who is going to click through from that Madballs tag? BING AGAIN.

  2. Question: will the hastily-scrawled well-wishes of my family at all impact the resale of my near-complete, original series Get Along Gang greeting cards? Will coffee stains impact the resale of mugs of the same?

    Also, what is the current market for vintage VHS episodes of “The Completely Mental Misadventures of Ed Grimley”? Would I have to upgrade these to DVD or, god forbid, Blu-Ray, or would that only further depreciate their sale value?

  3. Ed, I will buy those Grimley tapes. Seriously.

  4. are these the misadventures you’re referring to? is anyone missing some adventures?

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