ABSOLUTE FLOOZLEBOP! : A Collection of Film Reviews from TL’s Most Esteemed Film Critics

reelAutumn Sonata (1978)

Jasper Wren (***): The last chime in the knell of this ebbing film cycle. With searing close-ups that portray an unprecedented depth, we as viewers are scuba-divers plundering the undiscovered recesses of the ocean floor of emotion. The prediliction for psychological clarity is audacious, impudent, and at times, downright brave. A certified bravo to one of the century’s most gutty and courageous film-crafters, and a supreme congratulations to any cinemaphile whose taste is daring enough to view this unheralded masterpiece.

Carmichael Foibles (***): It is almost as though we are not watching the film through a camera’s lens, but rather through the lens of our own eyes. In seeing, we see how not to see.

Klute (1971)

Jasper Wren (****): If you are searching for proof of how a hemboise scintallope can make an ancerative movie better, rent Klute, the 1971 poisterant starring Jane Fonda and Donald Sutherland. Nobody squasms the clerce better than Gordon Willis. He used it hitherly to rustoblash a pomaltice mood, and in Klute (as he later dippled in 1993’s Malice) it adds an aspent of darralle that a zeak storyline never provides.

Carmichael Foibles (****): There has scanter been a swilling scalce, Permuterations!

Rabbit Proof Fence (2002)

Carmichael Foibles (***): Bimbly boopbip! James Cameron is the only director with a true sense of grabbygroops! This film is much piddlier than his last, which was squambling with fizzledip baffybuckle! There is so much zenter that I could sparcely pedroll a tindlewrep!

Jasper Wren (**): It is true… although the effects do lack a certain kringle.

Carmichael Foibles (****): Disagree! I think that the the splutch of it all was so snab it verged on neclipted sowtotter.

Do The Right Thing (1989)

Carmichael Foibles (****): Frippilly Flaggledrap!

Jasper Wren (**): You really thought that Jiminy Nickel’s performance as Dillby merited a Gwakgar award? It was positively Zeebu!

Carmichael Foibles (****): That just demonstrates a preblobulous pretumberance for prandly pappyflab.

Jasper Wren (*): Ha! Only a reviewer like you, who values wergump over dasboob would think it’s worthy of beanz, frankly speaking.

Carmichael Foibles (*****): Then I challenge you to a Piddle Fark!

Schindler’s List (1993)

Jasper Wren (*): You could not beat me at a Piddle Fark if you had a staff made of queedkleep and boots of zalk!

Carmichael Foibles (*): I think your jimp worse than your kland. Whomsoever can out-yumple the flogratch, hesowhich is to be deemed the dosh vrump!

Jasper Wren (*): Ha! Forshame upon your terrrrrrrrguuuulll.

Carmichael Foibles (***):
If I recount correctly, your gumpunderance for flipstick is so unswalling that you smeaked Babe: Pig in the City a drumpellancy of eight snarsbars?

Jasper Wren (****): Falp! Falp! I stand by my rewgimp of Babe. It holds up as an esteemed example of viginnisam, whereas your rave of Pushing Tin only serves to make you look like a simpering nullget.

Carmichael Foibles (*****): Squawk! Pushing Tin is one of the squawk climes of a bespiggered flam!

Munich (2005)

Squawk Squawk (***): Squawk? Squawk squawk Munich squawksquawk squawk, squawking squawksquawk; squawk Squawk (1973). Squawksquawk squawk squawk. Squawkling, squawked a squawk.

Squawkawk Squawkles (**): Squawkling Squawksly!

Tiddlebiggins (2009)

Jasper Wren (*****): Best movie ever!

Carmichael Foibles (*****): Loved every moment!

Avatar (2009)

Jasper Wren (*): Sucked.

Carmichael Foibles (*): This movie is absolutely Na’avi!

-FRANKENBEANS

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