Author Archives: edddddd

MOTHER’S DAY RECIPES: TENDER LOVING CREPES

From More Sensible Cuisine by Victoria Banksley, OBE

In keeping with the modern tradition of bestowing frivolous names upon themed recipes, my editors have encouraged me to imbue this crepe recipe with a motherly theme.  It can be sensibly enjoyed at any time of the year, by non-mothers and even non-females.  It is best enjoyed alongside the French-Kissed Vanilla Ice Cream (page 158), or possibly the Strawberry Confit (page 162).  As always, beware of the clown. Continue reading

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Stephen J Cannell: The Game!

NOTE: The following is taken from the instruction manual for  “Stephen J Cannell: The Game”, by Milton Bradley, recently discovered in the Terminal Laughter vaults.  While the original was a board game with a VHS content component, we have, for your viewing pleasure, located online copies of clips featured in the game.

Like TV? Love TV? Think you can be the next Stephen J Cannell? Here’s your chance to prove it! Stephen J Cannell: The Game gives you the chance to come up with pilot ideas just like the master himself! Continue reading

Rodney Dangerfield’s Child Denied Admission to Respectington Academy

Rodney with son Brian (L) and daughter Melissa (R) at the 2008 Class-Ee Clam Celebri-Tee Pro-Am charity tournament. The family's poor scores lead spectators to suggest the family should have "stayed home and played with themselves."

(LOS ANGELES) Brian Dangerfield, son and youngest child of comedian Rodney Dangerfield, has been refused enrolment at the prestigious and swanky Respectington Academy.

Declaring the child’s aptitude test results to be “lower than Rodney’s wife at a miners’ convention,” the notoriously exclusive school chose to award the final fall semester spot to the Elysse, daughter of Baron Hoitie of Toitie.

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LOVE ME, LOVE MY HOMUNCULUS

To the lady it may concern:

If you are reading this, you have most likely locked yourself in my bathroom. I apologize for not saying the following to you personally, but this sort of situation happens often enough that my neighbours have complained about the noise of me talking through the door. Hopefully, this pamphlet will answer the questions you likely have and encourage you to come out of the bathroom.

First, I told you plain and simple: “I have a homunculus.” You didn’t have to stick around after that. I’m kind of surprised you did. What the hell went through your mind? Why the hell would I say that if I didn’t really have one? It’s certainly not funny. It’s a fucking weird thing to joke about. Continue reading

Dog in a Leather Jacket: The Complete Correspondence

Volume 1 – Robert

ryan-seacrest-yearbook-fat-boy-photoDearest Dog in a Leather Jacket:

How long has it been, old friend?  Two, three years?  My stars, I swear it seems only yesterday we were neighbours and confidants.  I trust the intervening years have preserved you much as you were, and that your hypersensitive ears might still attune themselves to me – though I am in the fullest flush of puberty, my troubles are fully-grown, I assure you.

Alas, I am in need of your keen nose for matters social.  I have a crush on a girl at school, but nary a clue of what to do.  Continue reading

Why Yes, I Am Suffering – From Dia-READ-a

200552637-001What’s that?  Yes, I was just in the lavatory.  Why?

What are you laughing about?  What is so funny, I ask you?

Oh, please.  Must we be so juvenile?

Continue reading

Slobodan Blubovich Arrested for Crimes Against Bluemanity

bluemanity(ZURICH) Former general Slobodan Blubovich was detained earlier today by Swiss police under charges of crimes against bluemanity during his brief but violent period in control of the small, musical nation of Bluemania.

Speficially, the charges stem from the brutal repression of the centre-left Continue reading